I found my man!

 

 

I always wonder how? When? And why? Why you choose me? Or what you have seen in me to choose me from those millions? With an over-flowing heart I am left with speechless and flabbergasted… I don’t have words to thank you my man.

 

The love I have seen in my boyfriend or husband … Is that the real love? We women always get deceived by this world’s love and specially the love from men. This is the question I am askin to myself “Do you think any men from this world can love you perfectly”, as the way you want”??? NO…because men are men… and we women in our whole life keep on expecting things from them which is not gonna happen and we end up in distress and discontent. I am not blaming men… but they are meant to be like that. The more we accept this; we ll stop expecting from them gradually. Our problem is we put all our focus on them and try to do all those things to make them happy? Will it work?  Let me tell you “IT WON’T WORK, AND NEVER GONNA WORK” unless and until you realize the real hero in your life and invest time on him.

 

So here comes my story and the lesson I learned!!!.…Somewhere in midst of my life I met a wonderful man… yes he was not that handsome but something was there in him I got more and more attracted to him. I started walking towards this man and asked who are you??? What is that in you which is drawing me towards you like a magnet!! What are you? He called my name Lexi… will you be mine? I am like but I don’t know you? He said I have chosen you before this world’s existence… I have called your name even before you were plant in your mother’s womb. I ignored… ignored… keep on ignoring… but I was falling weak in his love that his grace on that face forcefully making me to look at him. I couldn’t help turning off ma face from him. I said what are you? Why I am feeling weak to say no to you?

 

His constant calling was like trapping me inside in him. He said don’t go and touched me. The moment he touched I started crying for what reasons I don know? I said why u touched me? He replied to take away your weakness… to make you strong like rock in me… to heal your illness… you are not slave to this world or the creations of this world. He said I am THE CREATOR, THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, and THE BEGENING AND THE END. Endless tears rolling… I don’t know my tears represent happiness… or shock… I was not out of it. But I got healed… I started feeling strong… I feel I am not alone.. There’s a man who walks with me wherever I go. I started falling in love with that man and his name is JESUS. I said NO  more men in my life other than the one who called my name even before the existence of this universe. I said YOU MY MAN JESUS. My life is to please this one man. People may call me mad.. But I like it.. Because I am all mad for you now JESUS.

I just wanted to know more and more about my man. I started reading… the more I read the more I am drawn towards his character. I wonder and asked him… can I ever be like you my MAN?? That humbleness and the love you had for others! The way you were in this world. You showed me the perfect path to lead but somewhere being in this world I am losing ma path in-between. But I believe he’s more than enough to lead me to his path with his words, light and love.

 

The day when I considered him as my love, from that moment onwards no turning back to human loves. I knew why to expect the things from mere human beings which they can’t and fight for no reasons. Women look unto him!  You wann that love? You wann that care? You expect more from your men? You want their affection? You want their attention? Then there’s only and only that one man who can meet all you standards. Make him your man.

 

There is a point in our life where we expect and the results are zero this happens in our human-spouse relationships. And there comes a point where you get more than what you have expected and that too with over-flow love. This is gonna be your relationship with JESUS.

 

So please don’t put all your focus on your men or boy-friends and try to do all those things which please them. Because that’s not gonna work.. Take my word and trust me. It’s gonna work for a temporary period. Soon the love will get rotten off from your life when the factor of sex and lust gets common and a routine. Love works when you love your GOD. Don’t do things for human beings or for your men but do things which please your living GOD.  What makes you work is your love towards your GOD and making him as your man.

 

A common mistake all women do when they see a man in their life and start considering him as anything and everything. A BIG NO… that’s the key to your failure relationships. Treat no humans as your everything… it’s only him who deserves your all attention, your everything and anything. Nobody in this world gonna value you after giving yourself to him and your everything to him. But GOD does value you and your heart. Women don’t make this mistake again by believing in a man more than our GOD. Men demands your beauty, tell us to be in figure, tell us to take care of them, home, their works, do that, do this and still the results gonna be same… but there’s a man who demands nothing… not our beauty, not our shape, not our body.. all he wanns is our loving heart. That’s the value of a woman. Change for him not for men.

 

Invest time for JESUS and he will fix your things. Love JESUS and he will give you unconditional love. Care JESUS and he will never let you fall. Call JESUS and he will lift your hands and will rinse you.

 

My spirituality has nothing to do with any particular religion or caste… my spirituality is all connected with JESUS. The man with whom I fell in love with madly and deeply. He is ma superhero and will be always.

 

Aloofness in Our Heart

I love him and I have seen love in his eyes.. Then where it’s not working? Even I am not unfaithful neither he’s disloyal then what’s wrong between us? Why arguments? Why clashes and discretion? Days … months and years we walked together and there came an unidentified distance between us… I am unsure how it came… I just don’t know…just don’t know…

Eyes get drowned in tears with deep pain… my path became abandoned. We dreamed together… I thought we have same goals to achieve and same paths to travel. I was holding his hands and walking and I don’t know when we departed our hands and choose a different path. I walked and he walked a long way and I thought he was with me in that pathway and same he felt. But we failed to realize that in middle of path we both took a different deviation and believed we both are with each other in that deviated direction. But I didn’t succeed to realize that it was only his path and mine was far away from him. I decided to walk alone and I walked alone and kind of lost myself.

And then I ask myself that there is no love between us? Or we lost that bonding? Or what it is? But my heart say’s to me there’s still lot of LOVE…I see love in each other’s eyes and the pain to quit but then I can’t track the reasons for disparities…

When this world ask me I don’t know what I am gonna tell? I realize all our dreams and promises we made are just like a mirror which got broken with hurts and grief. Our dreams got split with our aloofness in our hearts. I feel the light of our love got rotten.

I found my HAPPINESS in JESUS

I get hurt but the difference is that now I look to my heavenly DAD and seek his face and tell him that “DAD I am hurt but its okay dad because I have you with me. I somehow with the help of my dad JESUS able to cast all my burdens, pains, tears and hurts to my DAD because I know he’s the wonderful man who can sort it out.

Earlier I get hurt and in pain I become restless then I start to get irritated. And the result would be nagging. At a point I even felt like futile to express my feelings and emotions when nobody is getting convinced or able to understand. I tried and tried to solve things by talking, by clearing my mind, by ignoring but everything again futile. But then I remember that man who lived in this WORLD 2000 years ago, still living and gave his life for me on that CROSS. I said ohhh DAD how did I forgot you in the midst of all this issues and problem. And I realized that YES that was my problem “Forgetting my LORD”. I tried solving the problems with my skill but GOD proved noo you can’t save your marriage nor your kids, JOB or anything… it’s only ME and surrender to me your burdens, pains, tears, worries…  JESUS said why you have to take this pain my daughter when I have already took that on the CROSS? Why you have to cry when I cried for this whole WORLD & Human race? Why you have to be in pain when I tolerated all the pain when I was whipped… why?? Come to me and call me. I realized the fact and accepted that in this world if anyone can solve things then it’s him that wonderful man who I met somewhere in my life and all my life got changed “none other than JESUS”. I declared my love.. I fall in love with him and announced to myself that he’s ma MAN… everything and everybody comes after that in my life, even my family and kid. Because you the one who gave me all this.

I prayed let me seek you and look at you my LOVE JESUS. Ohhh Jesus give me a new heart which is of yours with LOVE, COMPASSION &FORGIVENESS. Ohh my DAD JESUS give me your SHAME dad because I am not worthy to look at your face and call you as my DAD. Jesus my Pappa give me your strength when I am in the verge of break down. Ohh my LOVE JESUS give me your WISDOM to walk in the right path. DADA I just want you to take control over me. Tie me and rule me with your WORDS.

All these days I looked at this world and the things of this world. I searched happiness in this world. I tried to replace things to solve the problems. I get disappointed with my family issues. I nag my husband when he doesn’t understand my feelings. I scold my kid out of frustration. What I gained??? What did I gain other than lack of peace and pain? I didn’t gain anything when I looked into this world and the things but rather keep on feeling like I am drowning in more and more problems. I yelled and said nooo my happiness is not from my family, kid, money or this WORLD. I found my happiness in you JESUS which can’t be snatched away by this world. Bcoz you the one who love me beyond my expectation. What is kept in this world to fantasies? Nothing I find in his world as an excitement… bcoz I can’t take a single penny or my family, job or anything when I say a GOOD-BYE to this WORLD. My life is gonna start after my death being with you. When I started to find happiness in JESUS I don’t know I had burdens, I felt bad or get hurt but he reminded me that I am with you and yours all is mine now. Your sorrows and problems are mine now. I don’t know now nothing in this world affects me.  I pray GOD my happiness should begin and end with you. I need you badly and terribly in my life back in the same way my heart beats, in the same way I need oxygen to breathe. I cried and said DAD this is the battle I am gonna fight. I can’t do it alone. I need you to be with me to win this WAR. This BATTLE is not mine but ours DAD JESUS. I look at him and don’t see anything else in this WORLD. He reinstated me. I lost my way but JESUS in between called me name and said daughter you are on the wrong path… come hold my hands and this WAY.. I followed him and I reached my HOME BACK. I said give me your cloth dad so that I can wear you. Let me breathe you in…

As I have read in bible You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.” So I ask in your name that I wanna see you, I want to be happy and rejoice in you not in this WORLD. As you said “A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.” So this WORLD will not influence me or touch me.

My aim is to tell and share your GOSPEL without any fear and shame. Let this world persecute me.. let them take my life.. let them judge me… let them call me insane… but my LOVE for you will never shake with your HELP. As PAUL said I am not ashamed of the GOSPEL. Let me proclaim.. let me declare… Ohh GOD give me the heart of boldness to speak and testify about you. Because when I am getting deeper into you I feel like going everywhere and share your WORD.  This is my AIM now… Never let me fall my GOD JESUS. Now I thank GOD that all this breakdowns, pain and tears are good to restore my LOVE towards you my LORD.

Captive…

I am hurting somebody or it’s just because I am very selfish? I was not like this. I don’t know I am now volatile. I believed in humanity, patience, forgiveness. But what I am now is just opposite to all this. These are the days where I feel like I am exhausted in my life. I feel I lost all my patience in me. I am not able to forgive people. I hate inhumane but gradually I am turning into that. There was a Lexi who always took the initiative to patch up the broken relations. I took steps to mend the ripped areas. But now I feel like let it be…I don’t care, I don’t bother… I go to that verge and hurt others and still don’t care. My heart stopped reacting towards the tears of my loved people. I lost all that love affection.. I am becoming rude, bold, strong, non-approachable, selfish, unsympathetic and I don’t even give up now not even for my love. I do things and don’t repent but I realize it and I don’t bother to change or apologize. I justify my wrongs…

I hurt others to make me happy. I can’t take the pain.. I started have a grumbling heart. I am not stable and steady… different thoughts haunting me… different perspectives haunting me… a new me… new changes… new attitude… new character. All this is happening bcoz I lost the old me somewhere… I am trying hard to get back (old me) into my life. I feel like there’s a big wall which prevents the old me to get into me. A new mask I am wearing which I know it’s bad but I am unable to snatch and throw it away. I feel fascinated in that image. What do I do now?? Where to go?? How to go back? I lost the way.. I don’t know how I can reach to my old home. I lost the goodness of GOD in me. I feel like something else controlling me. This is not me…. I was not like this…. I feel like a different spirit captivated my soul and ruling me…

 

Why it’s hard to find LOVE today…

I just wanna talk about LOVE & BREAK-UPS. I know I have already emphasized on this but when I see lots of relationships are breaking around me I feel so much hurt. Divorces are immensely increasing… people part their ways from their loved ones for even absurd reasons. I get astonished and think why this is so hard for today’s youth to be in a relationship for longer time. Today living or being with one person or choosing your life partner and growing old with them is like an unbelievable parable. Youth call it as myth or legend. Some even ask how you managed with the same person for the whole life. People don’t believe in relationships, people don’t trust each other, lost the transparency; people don’t want to be in a relationship nor wanna get committed.

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I wonder why relationships are not lasting in this generation. People are keener in breaking a relation than building it up. I think people have forgot how to love or forgotten what LOVE is?

You fall for a person that’s not a love. That’s the attraction towards your opposite sex. You feel everything blossom around you when you are with that girl/boy again that’s not love. You don’t see anything in this world because you are blinded in that magnetism pull towards her/him. LOVE starts when you start living with the person and accepts them as what they are. Don’t look for the perfections or your desires in other person. You just have to accept, respect and understand them.

People tend to spend a lot of time when they are at the beginning stage of relationship and gradually move to a routine of not taking time for the same LOVE in future. But spending time is not only meant at the initial stages. You have to take more time when your relationship gets older. Sit alone with them, talk for hours and share your emotions and how you feel. Talk out all the disparity.

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If you choose to be loved and love a person then you have to get prepared for small sacrifices, compromises. What LOVE we have in us when we can’t make small changes for her/him. We don’t wanna invest anything to make our relationship work. There was time when our older generation invests their time and everything to save the marriage or make the relationship work. That’s what LOVE is all about. Today the new generations including me showcase a self-seeking love. We are self lovers with selfish motives. We don’t wanna give-up for our loved one even though we see them struggling hard. We don’t bother when our love is weeping, we don’t even care to take an initiative to patch up. We just don’t care. What we care is all about us. We want to attain everything in easy way. We are losers who say that I quit in this relation or I can’t take it anymore. We don’t let our love grow. Today LOVE comes with conditions and terms and still people call it “LOVE”. Love was and always defined as unconditional but today LOVE is having a different meaning or lost its sacristy and purity.

We are always looking for enjoyment, thrills, excitement in life. We want someone to be with us when we are travelling, when are partying or watch movies. Today people say of course we spend time together. And I ask what time you spend together if you can’t make it memorable or don’t make memories by holding a tab or phone in your hand and spend the whole days and time by recharging your internet and what’s app. Just throw it away for a while, or switch it off and just look at her/him.. treasure the moments and make it unforgettable. Because you may not know whether you will get a day more in your life as life is unpredictable. I even know couples who sleep at the same bed and busy with their phones and text messages. Do you call this as togetherness? We don’t see the beauty of making days, time and moments special because we don’t value it. We depend on technology to express our feeling and to talk. It seems like there’s nothing to talk about as we have already replaced our presence with text messages and video calls. We always need someone who drives us crazy or makes us excited and soon it will fade away when all the enthusiasm comes to dump and finally we call it as “we quit”. We don’t leave space for love. And I don’t understand what we are gonna achieve without LOVE?

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Relationship works with maturity, falling in love again and again, sense of belonging, emotional connections. To happen all this we need to take out special time for them and make sure and it works by investing our everything.  I would rather choose to spend the whole day with one person than opting to spend each hour with hundreds of people. We call our-self social and believe in meeting people and making new relations than getting to know about them. And finally nothing works out because we are in search of perfections which is not gonna happen and result is disappointments. The outcome is we start to believe all this as a fairy tale and conclude we are not meant for relationships. We don’t want to be committed, settle down, have kids and take up the responsibilities. This seems to be scary now.

Today it’s not even called as love making. Its SEX and LOVE. Both come in a different package. Sex doesn’t come with love and vice-versa. Today’s generation fail to realize that sex comes easily but not loyalty and fidelity. Today you do it not because you love that person but you want to feel good. What a awful notion had entered into this world? Sex outside marriage is not a peccadillo or offence anymore. It’s said I am having an open relationship, friends with benefits, no strings attached, one night stands…

People forgot to love deeply and madly. We became more sensitive and sensible. We became more intolerant. We made our-self non-approachable,. We think it’s not practical to adjust. We believe in not losing our-self for our love. We believe in liberty. We believe in our individuality and selfishness than giving up or making small changes for our love.

This generation along with me is frightened. They fear to love, to commit, to be in a relation, to fall in love, to get hurt, to face the reality and scared to get our hearts broken. We can’t handle it because we think we are the practical generation and reality is that we are the owners of a very week mental stability. We run away from our problems. We can’t face it. We don’t accept challenges. We fail soon; cry and think about ending our lives. We are incapable of everything.

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Your love can only be successful when you practically apply the love rather knowing or reading books, blogs and articles. Don’t keep it in your brain. Apply or invest it on your relationships.

 

 

Love blossom

A new blossom, a new bliss—refreshness…I wanna probably ask myself to my mind… where am I going? Which direction … what have I gained and what am I searching for? May be the unheard things and the untold things…

A new song, a new tune, new steps to dance and rejoice… In the pages of my life unfortunately and unexpectedly I found something in those old street which was there from very beginning. A thought came to my mind and I ask to ma mind with astonishment that is this the thing I was searching for? Or is this the thing which made me incomplete ??

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My eyes got stuck into that new different path or direction which I never expected. I am standing there with perplexed heart whether to go or not to? My mind says to follow the new rhythm and dance to the new tune of my heart. My mind says not to stop my heart and if it wants to travel then let it go to that new direction.. what am I petrified of? What’s pulling me back? Why the fear is holding my heart back…Let me fly high without caring this world and norms. Let me go to the other world where I can see only the brighten colors around me. Let me have my wings and go to clouds… restored peace, restored love, restoration….

 

Agony…Deep in Anguish

Restlessness…disturbed…anguish… affliction…lonely nights  in the dark I wept, wept and wept… endless tears rolling down… wiping my tears. I was alone I just want to kill myself. I looked for tools to end my life. I felt it’s better to be not in this world than spending myself in the loneliness. Silence…. I was ambushed in this difficult phase or time which I felt like I couldn’t come out. I was vexatiousness… feeling in vain. Whatever I do still it again comes to the pain. So much petrified about my life. The anguish of being ALONE. In the midst of all this the only hope and light I expect is from my beloved heavenly DAD. A thought in ma mind “why should I bother about all this when I have a wonderful dad who can take care of everything in my life”. It took a little time for me to come out or overcome the situation. But without much delay GOD made me realized that time will heal me. And I believe that my GOD is more than enough to take away all my perplexeness and soreness. When I stop reacting for all my pain and anguish then I know I have a wonderful GOD who will speak for me. Just the matter of time. I just want an understanding heart. Somethings just don’t get into my mind but with his grace I learned to ignore things which make me feel bad and I am moving on….